Sex’s Paramount Effect in Co-Occurring Disorders

CCAPP’s 7^th Annual Conference kicked off its four-day adventure with the phenomenal Dr. Rob Weiss, PhD, LCSW, as the keynote speaker. Dr. Weiss is a sexologist, author, and educator. He began the wonderful Thursday morning discussing, “Understanding Why and How to Assess and Treat Co-Occurring Disorders: Sex and Drugs.” His presentation was nothing short of exceptional and highly informative for his audience that discussed a riveting topic more people should be aware about.

 The theme of significance that Dr. Weiss had stressed was the fact that sex was a taboo topic for counselors and patients in treatment programs. It was something “uncomfortable” that counselors didn’t want to discuss because of how it was supposedly inappropriate or not the “normal” conversation to have. However, that is the opposite of what treatment centers should do. In fact, it is super valuable to ask such questions pertaining to the patient’s sex life. The reality is that those in recovery struggle with relationships and intimacy just like everyone else. When assessing someone it is important to a variety of questions including:  What’s your family life like? What do you eat and how many times a day do you eat? Where did you go to school? How do you feel about yourself? Equally as important is to ask if they masturbate, if they have had a broken heart, what their sexual behavior is, what their sexual orientation is, etc. These questions are just as critical to individuals in recovery because what they do in their sexual lives overlap with their substance use habits/lifestyles.

It’s bewildering how treatment centers don’t go that route because of the stigma behind asking these “unusual” sexual questions that pertain to the person’s health. People don’t realize that sex is a huge factor in our lives. It’s one of our basic needs as human beings and if it is not being addressed correctly, then it can possibly drive addiction, relapse, etc. We miss and don’t see the signs that the patients are waving right in front of us when we don’t ask and get to know their basic needs for intimacy, love, and relationships. These “small things” that we gloss over are actually huge in the way we treat, for example, a patient’s meth addiction. One small thing that is glossed over can lead to another possible relapse. However, that can be prevented if we just simply sparked that conversation and treated it like any other medical examination. Dr. Weiss, an experienced sexologist, states that patients are not uncomfortable answering these kinds of questions because they know they’re supposed to talk to professional help. It is the professional help that doesn’t know to take the initiative to ask questions pertaining to the patient’s sexual health that are vital in the person’s overall behavioral health.  

Dr. Weiss makes the point that sexual secrets are the ones that cause us shame and we hold them close so don’t speak on them. Also, he notes that when practitioners are silent, it shows the clients that they should be too and therefore do not jump into such topics. He wants counselors and treatment facilities to know that we must connect with those that we are treating and be thorough with asking patients the mandatory questions no matter how uncomfortable. It begs the question; why haven’t people been doing this? Well, there’s nothing we can do but simply advocate for practitioners and programs to look at their patient as a whole – mind, body (including genitals), and soul so that they can get on an appropriate road to recovery for their struggles in addiction. Once one demon has been conquered, the next can be too.

The treatment you receive is not about getting “through it” and checking out of the facility – it’s all about building yourself a safe social circle and establishing a sense of community around you. A group of people for support is monumental in helping individuals zone in on working on themselves. Talk to your patients about adult sex, porn, and relationships through the standard assessment questions that will essentially broaden someone’s knowledge in building, creating, and maintaining healthy intimate relationships.. Sex is a trigger that shoots out unhealthy addictions whether it be sexual or substance related, or a combination of both. Remember to address a patient’s sexual health in order to have a fuller understanding of what works best for them. A deep understanding of a patient goes a long way in providing thorough treatment that can prevent relapses and create long-lasting recovery. Healing is not about avoidance – talk, discuss, and share everything to build connections and create relationships.

If you are interested in learning more about the topic discussed during Dr. Weiss’ presentation, please check out his website: https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/. Or, write him anytime if you have any questions at: rob@seekingintegrity.com.

About Me

My Long-Term Addiction Required Long-Term Recovery: A Personal Journey

More PostsBio ⮌

 

by Jerome, age sixty-five, sober since 1991  

 

 

My Addiction  

 

 

My addiction started with alcohol at the age of fourteen. I drank wine with older kids to fit in. Little did I know the road I was headed down. I know now that my low self-esteem was the cause of me not being able to say no and giving in to pressure to drink. I had been an athlete but for some reason I wanted to be like them instead of being myself. 

 

 

I drank and smoked cigarettes for a year. I then decided to try out for the high school football team, as I always wanted to excel at sports. I found inner peace with practicing my sport. I practiced religiously and stopped drinking and smoking. I became a good quarterback and received a full athletic scholarship to a university. After four years of playing college football and receiving a shoulder injury my senior year, I realized I was not going to play professional football. Here again the inner peace that I longed for was compromised, creating a void within me. 

 

 

After college, I began hanging with childhood friends when I returned home. I filled my void with drinking and smoking. Then I began snorting cocaine and heroin, hanging out in bars where drug use was common. I began to use heroin intravenously and my world changed. Drugs dominated my life and caused problems in every area. I used heroin for twenty years, had many legal problems, was in several rehabs, and was enrolled in two different methadone maintenance clinics through the duration of this struggle. I rationalized every way possible to keep using drugs. There was a part of me that hated my life and there was a part of me that said it wasn’t so bad once I put my drug of choice in my body.

 

  

At the height of my addiction I was drinking a half gallon of wine daily, smoking two packs of cigarettes daily, using ten to fifteen bags of heroin daily, smoking as much crack as I could, and taking 80 mg of methadone daily. After years of hell, I finally embraced recovery.

 

 

My Recovery  

 

 

While in a methadone clinic, I felt so out of control that I asked my counselor to put me in a rehab. She stated that she could not find one with a bed open for a few months. I knew I was doomed if I didn’t get help before that. Finally, after feeling totally out of control and looking at myself in my bathroom mirror, I hit my knees and prayed for help. I was raised in a church and always had that tool, but I never used it until that moment. I surrendered. 

 

 

The next morning on the way to my methadone clinic, I was arrested for breaking a car window. Nothing serious, but I was taken to jail and could not make bond because I was already on probation. My probation officer said she would not let me out because I had a bed secured for me in a rehab, and it would be better for me to stay there until I could go to rehab. I was furious and scared. I knew I would go through drug withdrawal while in jail, and I knew it would be severe.  After several days of living hell, I realized something. I had asked for help. All of a sudden it became clear that this was a perfect plan. “When the student is ready the teacher will appear.”   No more drugs. Withdrawal was horrible, but I saw a light at the end and I now looked at withdrawal as a test for the reward of recovery. I was ready. My cell mate pulled out a Narcotics Anonymous book. The two of us talked about recovery and I saw drug withdrawal as a bridge to be crossed to reach recovery. I wanted to cross that bridge. I realized that I was given the opportunity I longed for and all I had to do was my part and work hard. The stage was set, the props were there, and I was ready, willing, and able to engage in recovery.

 

 

There is no way I could have planned this. I left jail, went to the rehab for thirty days, went to the Salvation Army for work therapy for ninety days, and returned home. I continued to go to meetings and still do so to this day. I take suggestions, read my Just for Today book every morning—my sponsor called it “putting your amour on” before you go to battle—and try to live my life daily, as best I can in a recovery mode. My sponsor told me that if I can’t invest a minute (that’s about how long it takes) each morning reading my Just for Today book, then I don’t deserve to stay clean for twenty-four hours. I make the small investment and have done so every day since and plan to continue going forward. I still avoid high-risk people, places, and things. I stay connected to positive people, those with and without addiction problems. I let others help and support me, and have taken a lot of advice over the years from many people—my sponsor, peers, and others in my life.

 

 

I now realize the struggle was internal and the only way to win for me with addiction was to realize that my addiction will always be stronger than my recovery, so I must continue to put on my armor each day and the use my tools of recovery . . . one day at a time. I fight off negative thinking and think things through. I go to meetings and talk to others in recovery. Consistency and discipline help me continue my recovery day by day, even after all of these years. I try not to put my recovery as a low priority and I always use the tools I was taught by others, tools that have worked for years.

 

 

For people new to recovery I would say what was said to me: listen to others (professionals, sponsors, peers in recovery, people who care about you), take their advice, do not do it “your way,” but the way that has helped many others. Surrender, which means to accept your addiction and that it has beaten you down, and that you need to learn from the past and move forward, but only with the help of others. Use your spirituality or spiritual beliefs, too. Develop good recovery habits that you follow each day. Be responsible and work your program, don’t just talk about it.  Your future can be brighter as your recovery progresses, but you have to do the work. Let me repeat that you have to do the work of recovery as nothing will be handed to you.

 

 

Have a recovery story to share? E-mail the editor of Counselor Connectionat leahh@counselormagazine.com.   

This author does not have any more posts.