Today, the topic I want to talk about is surrender versus control. A big part of co-dependency and addiction is the idea of control. So much in our lives has been chaos, and we hold tight to the idea that we have control over things or people to try to keep ourselves on our feet. What we don’t realize is that the more we try to control, the less control we actually have. It makes things more chaotic. Naturally, we look to what the opposite of control is for the solution: surrender.
How do we make surrender work for us? Our first thought when we hear it might be somewhat negative – maybe we see a white flag waving, and relate it to giving up. We can reframe it. We can look at how control causes us anxiety, fear, shame, and anger, and decide that we want more. We can look to our Higher Power for guidance. We can surrender to the fact that we might not always know the answers, but our higher power does.
Change your view of the word to mean something positive. Surrender to the idea that we can control people or circumstances. No matter what we do, other people are going to do what they want when they want, and we don’t have a say otherwise. It is their life to live, just as you have yours to live.
The temptation to focus on others is huge, of course. Looking into ourselves is painful, and it is easier to worry about others’ lives than our issues. It’s scary! But we can do it. Especially with the help of our higher power.
To me, control means chaos, and surrender means peace. It means freedom from worrying about others constantly, freedom from worrying about ‘what-ifs,’ and freedom from the anxiety that comes with trying our hardest to get outcomes that we don’t reach.
So today, I’d like to challenge each of us to talk to our higher powers, and surrender our will and our lives to them. Surrender to them your instinct to control and manipulate, and find some peace where there was once chaos. Even if you’re afraid, know that I support you, and your higher power supports you. Take it one day at a time, and don’t be hard on yourself. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection!
Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com firstname.lastname@example.org. Find out if you are #codependent. Take my quiz. http://sherrygaba.com/co-dependency-quiz/