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Five Holiday Gifts for Your Daughter as You Teach Her to Challenge Her Girly Thoughts

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What Are Girly Thoughts?

Your daughter is a girl, so isn’t she supposed to be thinking thoughts like a girl?  Yes, but not these thoughts.  Girly thoughts is the subtle conditioning that begins in girlhood and continues throughout life that results in women feeling less than. These are the thoughts that tell us how we should look and also pressure us with how we should act—well, like a girl, and not just any girl, but a popular girl.

Help Her Own Her Skills

So what’s your role as a mother who may be struggling with her own girly thoughts?

First and foremost, you want to help your daughter consciously build her resilience consciously.  Yes, even at a young age, your daughter is mastering a series of negative circumstances in life and is developing skills for dealing with them, skills that form the basis for how she will approach other challenges as she matures.

The trick for her is to own that she knows how to:

  • talk to a mean girl
  • study for a quiz
  • ask for what she wants/needs from you
  • handle her younger sibling’s tantrums
  • forge her own identity when she’s compared to an older sibling

. . . and the list goes on.

Yes, your daughter already has many skills. The trick is for her to consciously use them, for her conscious use of her skills will allow her skills to become part of her identity.

Consciously Using Her Resilience

The skillset we develop when we deal with difficult circumstances is called our resilience. And while we all have resilience, women often do not consciously walk around thinking of themselves as resilient because for many, this feels unfeminine or even unattractive.  This notion that women cannot appear too resilient or too strong begins early.

Tips for Teaching Your Daughter Conscious Resilience

Since you are her greatest teacher, you need to model resilience for her.  This means you need to own and consciously use your own resilience in your own life.

So take a moment and think about just what it is that you do.  Then find moments to share your insights with her and point out the skills that you use to deal with difficult circumstances.

How to do this? Start by saying out loud, “I managed this busy day by deep breathing,” or “I make a list and promising myself a reward when I’ve completed it,” or whatever it is you have done, and then:

  • share with her the skills you use throughout the day.
  • name the skills that you see her using in her own life.
  • point out the silliness of the ads in magazines, on TV, and in the movies that show photoshopped girls doing amazing things that are not real.
  • speak to her about her real life heroines (perhaps her grandmother, aunt, teacher, or even a classmate), women she knows who are struggling with a major challenge.  Point out the skills they are using.
  • make a list of the skills she uses each day, and hang it on the refrigerator or her closet door.

Help her see herself as someone who is learning how to navigate life’s challenges by using her resilience. This is a sure way to help her be less influenced by the media’s peddling of their collective notion of who she should be and help her kick those girly thoughts to the curb.

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6 Comments

  1. Patricia O'Gorman, PhD December 21, 2013

    Hello, There is a problem the host is addressing. Glad you are a reader… let me know what you think about what I’m sharing. Happy Holidays

  2. Patricia O'Gorman, PhD December 21, 2013

    I am so happy you like my blog. And if you like my blog you’ll love my book “The Resilient Woman” and it’s companion workbook coming out in 2014… “Out Your Girly Thoughts and Embrace Your Strength”. Feel free to check out my website: http://www.patriciaogorman.com where I am trying to get up recent media. And thanks for sharing…. it is such a challenge to get out information, even what can dramatically change our lives — challenging those girly thoughts.

  3. Patricia O'Gorman, PhD December 21, 2013

    Great! Thanks for sharing. Writing is a craft, and I do work at it, and yes it is me. And if you like my blog you’ll love my book “The Resilient Woman” and it’s companion workbook coming out in 2014… “Out Your Girly Thoughts and Embrace Your Strength”. Feel free to check out my website: http://www.patriciaogorman.com where I am trying to get up recent media. And please feel free to share my website and blog, and of course friend me on FB…whew…. Happy Holidays.

  4. Patricia O'Gorman, PhD December 23, 2013

    So glad you like my blog. Feel free to share it, FB it, and also visit my website: http://www.patriciaogorman.com. Also check out my book….The Resilient Woman, I have a companion workbook coming in 2014 so stay tuned…. Happy Holidays…. best.. Patricia

  5. Patricia O'Gorman, PhD December 23, 2013

    Hello, I’ve asked the web master to share this with you. So glad you like my blog and that you are sharing it. Be sure to check out my book and look for it’s companion workbook in 2014. Happy Holidays… best.. Patricia

  6. Patricia O'Gorman, PhD December 23, 2013

    Hello, feel free to share it, fb it, so glad you are liking this way of understanding what we can do as women to really help ourselves. happy holidays… best… Patricia

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